Have you ever seen Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind?? The feeling
I have now is like that feeling that I felt at the end of that
film. I'm left on the edge of my seat, teetering on the edge of
absolute devastation and complete exhileration. Its hard to explain and
could be dismissed as a part of the quagmire of feelings and emotions I
have right now.
In Eternal Sunshine... it begins as two people meet for
the first time, you see their relationship grow and you join in the
unparalled excitement of two people falling in love. The film
progresses and you begin to see that its not so perfect and exciting as
first thought issues arise and are left unresolved through lack of
communication. Their relationship comes to an abrupt end when Clemetine
(f) has her memory erased, without attempt of any resolution with Joel
(m) she strikes him from her life. I wonder if the emotion stirred in
this scene is something that only guys can really empathise with;
because of small and almost trivial problems that were left unresolved
or hidden they are amalgamated, resulting in Clementine acting seemingly
without rationale in order to exit her situation and leaving her
beloved destroyed. That feeling of absolute devastation, powerlessness,
broken-heartedness and confusion is exactly how I feel in part now.
But the film carries on and after a few twists and turns Joel ends up
having his memory erased as well. They meet again in the same place
that they met in the first scene but are not sure why that they are led
there. From this scene its implied that their relationship is starting
over again and that the devastation is no longer but yet could be about
to come around again. Herein lies the feeling of exhileration, that
through their short fallings their love for each other has transcended
tragedy and although what happened could not be helped they were given
a chance to start again. This feeling of exhileration contributes (a
little less exactly and undecidedly analogous of my own situation) in
part, as well, to how I feel now.
The resulting combination of feelings leaves you/me feeling frustrated,
on the edge of your/my seat, wishing to know what comes next. While,
accepting that what happened had to happen, you/I am left with an acute
sense of melancholy.
